Gratitude.

My life can be so busy and hectic sometimes that I forget to just stop and be thankful. Thankful for the fact that I am healthy. Thankful that I have a sweet baby girl, wonderful and loving husband, and friends and family that are there for me anytime I need anything. Thankful for the fact that I am gainfully employed at a job that I actually enjoy and don't dread going to every day (hey, not everyone can say that!). Thankful that even though I have more going on in my life right now than I ever have, I am also happier than I have ever been.

For instance, does anyone know how freaking awesome my mother is?! Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without her. She seems to be the one constant in my life other than my husband that I know without fail that I can always count on for anything. My mom makes my life easier and more joyful. Seeing her with my daughter is one of the few things that can bring me out of a funk on a bad day. It makes me so grateful to know that there is someone on this earth that loves me and Ella as much as she does. She is such a nurturer. It is also my personal opinion that my mom makes the world a better place, but obviously I'm pretty biased (but I'm pretty sure her students and co-workers would agree with me!). Thanks mom, for everything that you do for me AND everyone else in your life.

Another thing that I am SO thankful for is the fact that my wonderful, silly, and insanely lovable friend Erin, is moving back to Phoenix in September! It will make my life so much easier to have a close friend actually close to where I live instead of in a different state. She is one of the most supportive and awesome friends a girl could ask for, and I think it'll make all the difference in the world to have her near. She loves Ella so much, and I know that she can't wait to be close so she can see my little Peanut as she rapidly grows and learns new things every day! Love you Bone Diddly!

It's easy sometimes to forget to be thankful. I know I take a lot of things in my life for granted. I'm sure a lot of people do. But from here on out, I intend to highlight all the things and people that I am SO grateful to have in my life on a pretty regular basis. Or as regular as you can get when you only blog every couple of months... :)

Phew, what a week!

This last week has been quite an eventful one for me. I feel like my life is moving at warp speed, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it! Many firsts and milestones have occurred in my life over the last week, many of them moments that may seem like nothing to the non-mom, but that will be forever stored away in a little treasure box in my heart...

#1 -  Ella pretty much started sitting up on her own. She still topples over, but is learning to hold herself up pretty well. I have mixed feeling about this! Obviously I am proud of her, but I feel like I'm not ready for her to do anything on her own yet!

#2 - I got Ella to take a bath without screaming like the world is about to end. This is an accomplishment in the sense that it just makes my life easier!

#3 -  Ella has discovered her toes. It really is the cutest thing when she grabs her toes... Although not so much when she does it during a diaper change. :)

 #4 - I finally stopped pumping! This is again something I am having mixed feelings about. I wasn't able to breastfeed as planned (as most of you know) so this was Ella's main source of food for the first 4 months or so. However, within the last 4-6 weeks, she has increased her ounces for eating, and my supply started dwindling quite considerably. So it was just time, and I have to deal with that. I will definitely try the breastfeeding route again with my next baby, but I'm not sure if I can ever pump that many times a day again!

#5 - Ella turned 5 months old on Saturday! I'm considering doing a small half birthday celebration next month, just for fun.

#6 - My first Mother's Day was yesterday! I remember a year ago I was only a few weeks into my pregnancy, and all I did was dream about the child that was to come. Now that she's here, I can't imagine not having her in my life.

As I sit here typing this, I am watching Ella sleep. I love this little girl so much it hurts! Here she is in her "Respect Your Mother" onesie from yesterday:

Mommy Needs Sleep Too!

Sleep is overrated. This is what I tell myself every morning when my little angel wakes up before 6 am. Sleep is overrated. It's like my mantra.  Except that we all know that it is completely and utterly untrue. I love sleep. Sleep is awesome. It's one of my favorite things to do. And I now realize what everyone talks about when they equate having a child with kissing sleep goodbye!

Of course, it definitely didn't help that I didn't go to bed until almost midnight last night. I know that was stupid of me, but in my defense, I didn't get off work until ten. If I had gone to bed right away, I wouldn't have had any time to spend with Ian, nor would any of the bottles have gotten washed. Sooo, 6 hours later (with a 2:30 feeding in between) here I am, awake and not happy about it.

This sweet little face helps ease the pain though. :) Happy Tuesday!

(Almost) A Full Nights' Sleep!

So Ella slept through the night for the first time last night! She fell asleep around 8:30 pm, I fed/changed her before I hit the sack around 11 pm (she remained asleep the entire time, mind you). It was so bizarre, I actually woke up around 4:30 this morning thinking something was wrong! I raced into her bedroom to find her sleeping peacefully, where she remained until 6 am. The question I have now is this: WHY AM I STILL SO TIRED??! It seems that no matter how much or how little sleep I get, I still feel the same level of exhaustion. I'm assuming this is what other mothers are referring to when they say you'll never get a full nights' sleep again, even if your child does. Bummer! Oh well, let's just see if we can get a repeat of this glorious event tonight!

Visitors!!

I know it's been a while since I've posted. In my defense, I worked 7 days straight (almost all closing shifts) and have been getting ready for visitors. Yesterday, our friends Ashley and Mark came to visit from Tacoma, Washington to meet Ella for the first time. I'm so happy! Last August, I had the pleasure and honor of being a bridesmaid in their wedding, so it's really great to have them here to meet my baby girl. Here are a couple of their wedding photos, and a photo of Ashley playing with Ella for the first time:

4 Month Check Up

This is going to be a quick one... Ella had her 4 month appointment, and is doing fabulously (as if we didn't already know that!) She is now 16 lbs. 2 oz., which means she gained 2 pounds in just 2 weeks! This little peanut just won't stop growing! The only downside to today is that she got her 4 month shots, so she's not quite as chipper as she normally is; which means she is still more cheerful than the average child! This mama has to go to work in less than an hour, so it looks like it'll be daddy who gets to have all the sweet I'm-not-feeling-good-please-cuddle-me time tonight. Sad face.

Here she is, all tuckered out after her shots today:

I have a 4 month old baby?!

I'm sure every  new mom asks herself this question pretty much every time their child hits a new milestone, but is my little baby really 4 months old already? How did this happen? How did the little peanut that lived inside my body, wedged up in my ribs, kicking me like crazy from the inside for 9 months grow so fast? This child has already pretty much doubled her birth weight, and is now 5 inches longer than she was when she was born. She's in the 87th percentile for weight, and the 90th for height. I'm not ready for this! At every new stage, I think to myself, "I want her to stay EXACTLY like this". And then she goes and does something new and adorable and the cycle starts again. Here are a couple of photos from today; she really is the cutest!

Sometimes, things don't turn out the way you plan them... And then, sometimes they do.

A few examples of this: When Ian and I got married 6 1/2 years ago, we thought we'd wait about 5 years to have kids.  This was pretty much our standard line, since from the moment we got engaged (at 18 years of age, no less!) everyone was breathing down our necks about kids. We also said we wanted 4 kids. That part is still yet to be determined as we are not done having kids, but I think I can safely say we won't have 4!

Now, once we started creeping up around the 3 and 4 year mark, I started thinking there may be a part of me that may not want kids. Ever. Funny to think about now, but I was honestly scared to death that Ian would want nothing to do with me if I was serious about this whole not-having-kids thing. Lucky for me, I was reassured to the contrary... He told me that he didn't marry me to have kids, he married me for me; but that sneaky devil knew I'd change my mind. (not that I think he would have divorced me, but he's a smart one, that husband of mine!)

Fast forward to around December of '08, January of '09. My biological clock started ticking. My uterus literally started aching. My heart felt like it just wasn't quite complete. And when did this start happening?  Right after our 5 year anniversary. That's when I knew it was time to kick it into Mommy Gear. And here I am today. We got pregnant with Ella almost exactly a year ago, she was born before 2009 was over!

Those are examples of things in my life happening the way I planned them to. The things that I hadn't planned are things that are happening right now.

I hadn't planned on the fierce love and protection I would feel for my child. I've heard other moms talk about it, but you don't really understand until you become a mother.

I had planned on going back to work full time, thinking it would be a piece of cake. After all, I'm not the kind of person who would even want to be a stay at home mom, right? Wrong. While I have gone back to work as planned (not quite full time, but about 35 hours a week), I 'm not quite as satisfied with this as I thought I would be. Nothing I can do about it at the moment, but when we have a 2nd child, I will for sure not work as much! Being a mother to Ella is much more fulfilling than anything else I can think of doing.

I had planned to breastfeed. Ella decided to the contrary, and while I'm still pumping my milk, she has always had formula as well. Part of me feels like a failure as a mom, while part of me (the logical part) knows  that my child is healthy and happy, and growing extremely well, so what's the problem, you ask?

I'm the problem. I'm OCD with things going the way I want them to, and for the most part, they do. But when things get away from me... You can only imagine the consequences for whoever is involved. I usually beat myself up from the inside out, and I need to stop doing that. I also need to be a little nicer to my husband and not take so much out on him. I know this, and eventually I WILL get better about it. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

Sorry to have such a lengthy post, but it does feel good to tell a little bit of my story. I know there will be much frustration and heartache in the road ahead as a mother, but I can't wait for every minute of it. :)

So let's try this blogging thing again...

Honestly, I'm the worst at starting something new and actually sticking with it. I've tried doing this once before when I was pregnant, but it really didn't stick. But I REALLY want to be able to document the happenings in my life, as they are going by far too fast (especially since my daughter was born!) so we'll give this another try.

Let's play catch up. Almost 4 months ago exactly, I gave birth to what has to be the sweetest, most beautiful baby girl on the planet. Ella Jane. Every time I think about my little girl, my heart swells up with pride and joy and I can't wipe the goofy smile off my face. She is the best thing I've ever done, the best of both me and my husband (who happens to the the most patient man on the planet- how did I get so lucky??).

I want to keep this first one short and sweet, so I'll have lots more to talk about in the posts to come... I know I can do this!

I'll end my first post with a sweet pic I took today of my little peanut. :)